11 Things to Remember if You Have a Special Needs Child
I know that your thoughts are not engaged with this every day, but they are very important. It can make a huge difference in your language, energy, and choices if you become deeply aware of these facts.
If you have a special needs child (I don’t want to use the term “special needs children,” but I understand when people are using it to describe a child with mental and physical challenges), you should know that:
- The children understand and feel your every emotion. No matter how serious the brain damage is, it can still feel guilt and can have the sense of being a burden. If you are sad and upset all the time about your child’s situation, your child will know that, and it will feel like a failure. Like this is its fault. Find a way to accept.
- You are as much an important part of this story. You need to take care of yourself too. You simply must, and it’s not a matter of discussion. What ways of self-care do you practice on a daily, weekly, and monthly basis? Have you heard about Coffee with Maya?
- There is a bigger picture and a very big and logical reason for why you are having this experience in your life. When you accept and achieve calmness and peace, you will find out what that is, and you’ll be on your way to the biggest happiness you could possibly imagine. This happened in my case, and I know many people who had the same experience.
- Every situation goes away. Every stage of seizures, crying, screaming, yelling, tantrums…. everything goes away. And in time, it gets better. The hope will help you go through these stages.
- Your child might go before you.I know you thought about that already, and I know you don’t want that to happen. But don’t go throughout your day picturing and imagining what it would be like and how you will feel when it happens. You don’t even know for sure that this moment will come. Enjoy each day with your child now and be in peace.
- Your special child is often going through crises and difficulties. Life is more difficult for them than for the average person. You, as a parent, suffer the same crises as well.
Your reality might be a child with brain damage, cerebral paralysis, autism, ADHD, down syndrome, or other syndromes, or else. And I know you love your child very much. True love is unconditional, but it tests your limits and nerves in everyday life. It affects your relationship with the child but also with your partner and the other members of your family. The best way to bring relief in the lives of everyone involved is to learn a new mindset to deal with everyday emotional challenges. (You can find me on FB Page, Instagram, or at email@example.com , and I can tell you ways how you can do that).
- Your child has their own mind, thoughts, feelings, and perceptions. And it can express them despite all disabilities. Watch it closely and carefully to notice everything it tells you.
- Your child understands your emotions. It knows when you are sad, angry, nervous, happy, or in peace. It might not have intellectual thoughts, but it feels all of this on an energetic level.
- Celebrate the smallest victories and set up your expectations properly.
I will share a small personal story that I already mentioned in the previous articles and videos. In 2018 I read for the first time about the law of attraction. As it usually happens, I understood it very literally and very superficially. I thought that I need JUST to think positive and say affirmations for a while, and Joana could heal completely in 6 months.
This desire, as natural (and expected from every special parent) as might be, was doomed to failure. You can’t expect to influence another human being, even if it’s your child. See again number 7. Your child is its own individual with certain life paths, perceptions, and experiences. You can influence only you, your mindset, your reactions, and your choices.
It’s natural your primary desire to be the well-being of your child, but set your expectations properly and learn your role in this.
- Don’t compare to other people, children, families– it only causes you stress and suffering. You are a unique individual with qualities and your own worth. Cherish and appreciate that.
- Embrace the negative feelings when they come.It’s ok to walk in the park with your beautiful child happily napping in its wheelchair and see children running with a ball and feel a wave of sadness. This doesn’t make you a bad person. It only makes you human. Whenever you deal with negative feelings, accept them without fear. They are also part of your process.
Maybe you already knew these things, maybe not. It’s good to have reminders like this close to you. Because very often, we are overwhelmed with worrying thoughts, fears, and anxiety, and we forget to be aware of these things that bring calmness and hope.
How we think influences how we feel. And how we feel determines how we act and what kind of ideas we get.
I am sending similar reminders very often in my newsletter every Sunday. Sign up and be one of the people who will receive motivation and inspiration regularly: Maya Stoychevski | Special Parents Life Coaching