How to Grow?
Growing is our nature. That’s why when we grow and develop, as we are reaching the next level, we feel a great amount of calmness and achievement.
The reason is that we fulfilled our basic instinct. There is no way how we can stay in one place for the rest of our life. Even if we really want to rest, not change, and not leave our comfort zone. This is not possible.
The book Finding your North Star by Martha Beck says: If you reached some level and you like it there, the only way to stay there is if that allows you to grow.
If you are not growing, then your life is going to move you through many different challenges to “explore” different places and the next level.
I used my biggest life challenge to learn this lesson: Don’t wait for the life circumstances to teach you that it’s time to grow. If you go that way, it will be more painful. And it doesn’t have to be.
Facing a major life challenge is not the end of the world. There are ways to overcome difficult life situations.
The first thing that we need to define is what is the opposite of growth?
The opposite of growth, believe it or not – is feeling nice.
We are all the same in this: our brains are wired to seek relief and how we can feel nice.
Check out the videos of Mel Robbins, Joe Dispenza, Bruce Lipton, and many others for a little more on this subject. There are very clear and scientific explanations for lack of discipline, for example. Or the urge for procrastination (constant prolonging and putting things away from our calendar).
This is why it’s hard for us to leave our comfort zones. It’s unpleasant to get out of there and move on.
Instead of facing challenges and moving towards growth, we often choose to stay here and be as comfortable as possible. We pray that this major challenge or setback, or problem will go away.
There are many different ways that will make us feel nice: hanging out with our friends, watching some Netflix, reading a great book, taking an exciting trip, doing a hobby… It makes us forget about problems and not face our challenges. But what about the growth?
It’s completely ok to want to feel nice and play with our favorite things. That is also an important part of life. I am very grateful for being able to do many of the things I listed.
But our growth can be initiated only by two things:
The first (and more desirable one) is our own initiative, desire, and action to move towards growth, becoming more, learning, and understanding more.
The other way we can grow is through challenges, and from the experience of working with (a lot of) people –I can tell you that no one seems to like it.
We are all prepared for all of the positive changes in our life. We are thrilled when we find the partner, get that apartment, get the job, get a promotion, get married, go on vacation, get the baby, buy a bigger house…
Have you heard someone complaining: Oh, it’s terrible. I am living with the love of my life, and we have two adorable, smart children. We are all healthy and happy most of the time, living in our dream house, enjoying weekends with family and the best friends in the world. The jobs that we do are the most fulfilling we could ever imagine. We travel wherever we want and have no financial issues, and I am sick and tired of this way of living.
I don’t think you’ve heard such a statement. No one is complaining about the positive things in life.
But what about the negative changes?
Some of the major negative changes are divorce, facing bankruptcy or major financial problems, losing a job, death of a loved one or sickness in the family, etc.
Some of these events are coming inevitably in our experiences at one point or the other, but no one of us is really prepared for them.
If you look around, you’ll have to admit that no one’s life is perfect, and all people face many different challenges through life. Given this fact it’s better for us to develop some skills to be prepared and know how to deal with such an event.
I’ve made many different videos and written in over 40 articles on how can you prepare yourself, how to change your mindset, how to change your personality, and some of your habits to provide for your skills, methods, and techniques to become a person who can handle difficult times.
And this article is about growth. Today, I want you to focus on grabbing that challenge and seeing it as an opportunity to help your growth. Trust me on this: even if you feel like you want to stay where you are forever, wherever you are at the moment, it’s not going to make you happy.
You will get bored very soon.
If today you are a person who faced a major challenge, wipe up your tears, go a little more through your emotions and then get to work.
By “get to work,” I mean just face the thing and stop asking the questions Why me, why us, Why did this happen to me, What did I do wrong?
This is an opportunity to grow. When you stop asking those victim mode questions, which I asked myself many years in a row after discovering that my daughter will face health challenges, you will start asking the questions: How can I learn from this experience?
If you are not facing any of the challenges I’ve mentioned; If you are in a quiet, peaceful place right now – good for you.
Be grateful for that situation. and then again, try to think of ways to grow.
We grow by learning new things, by pushing ourselves to do things we’ve never done before. All the things that are out of your comfort zone but align with the goals and results you want to achieve.
If there is any goal we want to achieve, there are certain things we need to do.
I can bet on the fact that those things you know you need to do, but you are not doing them yet, are way out of your comfort zone. That’s why you still don’t do them.
So, don’t wait for the problem to come, the challenge to come, your world to crash above your head – take the initiative today.
Growth is not something complicated, and it doesn’t require having some fancy degree to achieve it.
Growth is always happening when you simply get out of your comfort zone and do something despite your fears.
When you do some of the uncomfortable stuff (you know what they are for yourself), no one is stopping you from going ahead and doing things that will make you feel nice.
The important thing is to not prioritize the pleasure activities before the actions that will provide growth.
I once heard that there is no such thing as procrastination, only too many choices towards feeling good.
When we know that and become aware of that, we can sit down and examine everything we say, do or not do. If we notice that we do too few things towards our growth and too many things towards feeling nice in our everyday life, then it is time to do some action.
If you don’t do that, life has its way of making you do that, but it’s the harder way. Don’t wait for that to happen.
That’s it. This is how you grow. Either through challenging, hard life experiences, either through your decision to make little steps towards your growth every day. It’s up to you.