Ignoring Your Emotional State is Not the Solution
I read this paragraph on the website thespecialparent.com (https://thespecialparent.com/depression-special-needs-parents-caregivers/)
“I have suffered from depression on and off for years…usually during particularly difficult phases with Katherine and her ever-changing needs. Parenting any child can be difficult. Lots of parents say that it’s not different than any other parenting and for some, maybe it isn’t. But for a whole lot of parents with special needs children, it is totally different and I couldn’t disagree more. It’s hard as hell and there’s been far too many days where I couldn’t see how I could take the behaviors or another 18-hour day of therapies, eruptions and feeding tubes. If this sounds like a day you might have experienced in your life as a caregiver, I want you to know there is help available. Depression in special needs parents and caregivers is all too real and all too often brushed off or ignored.”
It made me think that it’s too dangerous to pretend you are fine. It’s too dangerous to say things you don’t feel to create an image of a optimist.
You have to process your feelings.
To do that, you have to become conscious and aware of how you feel. If the answer is: – I don’t know – I am confused – I am overwhelmed -I feel stuck – I stagnate in one place for a long time – nothing changes – nothing moves – then try to dig dipper.
I am confused – OK, what exactly are you confused about? What is it that is unclear to you? How does it feel to be unclear for you? Are you maybe just in uncertainty from the future, and you feel like you are confused?
I am overwhelmed – what is it exactly that overwhelms you? Are you tired physically? Are you just tired of thinking, organizing, and planning things? Are you explicitly overwhelmed that your daily routine doesn’t change for weeks? Define those things. Clarity removes half of the problem.
I feel stuck – OK. You feel stuck. How are you stuck exactly? In what way? Do you feel like you can’t figure out something? Or that things don’t move? They don’t change? Are you in a situation where you don’t see a way out?
I stagnate in one place for a long time – In what way? Do you feel like your life is on hold? Why? How would it look like if it’s the opposite? If your life is not on hold? What would you do? What and who would you be? What are the things you desire?
Nothing changes – Do you mean at your situation nothing changes? Or at your child’s situation? Maybe you compare with someone else right now, so the first thought on mind is “nothing changes”? What exactly would you want to change?
Nothing moves – similar to the one above.
When you feel all those things, investigate, why exactly do you feel that way? Sometimes you think you are disturbed about one thing. And when you rethink and do a little self-coaching, you will see that it is actually completely something else that’s bothering you.
If you thought for a long time that you are chronic sad and frustrated because your child lives with disabilities, it might feel like every time you feel bad; it’s because of that. But when you start to investigate and go deeper by asking yourself questions, you may realize that particularly you are upset because you were supposed to meet your friend, and they were late.
Or you finally got the time to search for online job possibilities, and the Internet went down for 2 hours. Or something similar to that that made you feel a bit shaken.
If you become aware of what is it exactly that’s bothering you; you will be able to solve it. You will say: OK, I am pissed off because my friend was late and she didn’t even apologize, and I have only 2 hours to enjoy my time out. So, what do I do? I speak up; I tell what’s bothering me. I am not worried that my friend would think I am too needy or complicated. I will say what I want and not close inside me the fact that I am upset. Closing things inside causes damage in the long term.
Of course, here can pop up many questions and issues. Do you think you deserve to be treated by the others well? Do you have a habit of being silent about everything, hoping that everyone will like you? Or you are simply a conflict avoider, etc. Always go with questions a little deeper. Journaling is an amazing tool for investigation of our thoughts.
By ignoring your emotional state, you are not doing yourself any favor.
If you feel like you can’t investigate your thoughts and feelings by yourself, you don’t have to do that alone. You can hire a life coach.
You can investigate and google “Why do I need a life coach?”. Also, you can find what is special parent coaching here.
I have worked with a life coach, and I wouldn’t change that experience with anything. It was extremely helpful for me. I’ve come to such clarity and peace that made my life immensely easier. I realized what limiting believes were holding me back from living the life I now live.
Remember, you don’t have to feel sad, frustrated, stuck, overwhelmed, thinking that there is no way out.
I use many different exercises with my clients to get us to the bottom of every negative emotion. They love it when we begin our session with the issue “I can’t do this anymore; it’s too overwhelming and frustrating for me. I hardly even feel anything anymore”, and in the end, we found out not just that they do can, but that they are amazing at what they do and how they do it. They see a million more options about what more can be done. The trick is only to recognize what pushed your buttons, and you started to feel miserable.
You really don’t have to do this alone. There are plenty of good coaches out there. And there are more and more people committing to personal development, which is great.
If you feel negative emotion, don’t be hard on yourself, you are doing great. You have read this article until the end, don’t you? That means you want to change things; you want to improve something at yourself. Every day we change, and we grow. It is our natural state. It is not possible to be stuck in one place or stagnating or not changing. Everything is moving and changing all the time. Our children help us tremendously in that process.
Turn to your inner self and find out how much beauty lies there. Find out how every challenge and stress can be converted into something good for your life and your future. Find out how tough and strong you are and don’t give up.
Work on your emotions and solve the ones that are negative on time.
Drop me in the comments bellow what is your answer to the question “How do you feel?”.