My Special Child is My Blessing!
I can’t believe how many debates there are on the Internet about whether our special children are a blessing or not. Some even call them “a burden” or similar. I have a huge understanding of different people’s opinions. And I know that everybody’s point of view depends on their belief and value system.
There are those with this opinion that even don’t have children. Some have special 20+ years children, and they say that it’s too much for them at this point. I am not judging anyone: different people- different opinions.
I am someone that lives the fact from the core of my being, from the bottom of my heart, that my daughter, Joana, is my biggest blessing.
In this article I will explain why that isn’t just a positive mantra that I tell to myself just to feel better or to show myself in a “better” light (to show myself better…for whom? :)).
I even read somewhere a comment that parents are making statements like: “my special child is my blessing,” to make a positive spin of a tragic situation (?).
Look, we have to be clear on something here. If I or anybody declares that my child is a blessing, that doesn’t mean that I enjoy every second of it, doesn’t mean that I wish my child to be that way forever, doesn’t mean that if I have the power to heal her completely that I wouldn’t do that. It doesn’t mean that I am a masochist who enjoys being in… let’s use softer words and say challenging situations.
When I say that my child is a blessing in my life, I mean that, because of my desire to help her, because of the many steps we had to take (like long hospital stays or doing endless hours of therapy and staff), I’ve come across so many opportunities. My life improved on so many levels, and I don’t know how everything would look like if I didn’t experience any of this.
I believe from the bottom of my heart that her challenges are blessings for her and for me. This is my experience with my child. She is not verbal, and we can’t know how she would declare the way she is if she had an intellectual understanding and could talk and express herself.
But I can say for her that she got the best version of me because of the way she is. I can sign this somewhere if I need to.
She got unconditional love from me, tenderness and attention. She got someone who is always by her side (and enjoys doing that). She experienced that version of me as amazing at planning and organizing, responsible, fast, flexible, adaptable, compassionate, and understanding. She got the version of me that is great with people, judging their characters and getting the best out of them, giving the fact that I get to communicate, debate, and coordinate between so many doctors, therapies, nurses, teachers, and others.
I am writing this for the people that really want to hear and understand how someone’s biggest tragedy can turn into the biggest blessing.
If you think that parents with special children should be pitied and get sorry and sympathy from others, that just means that you think in the same situation people should feel sorry for You and have sympathy for YOU.
Every time someone expresses opinions about others, they talk about themselves. So, you think a special child is not a blessing but rather an unwanted tragic burdening situation? That means that YOU wouldn’t be able to see the blessing in it if you were me. I believe you when you say you feel that way.
I just say, for me, it is not the case. For my own sake, I tend to be very honest about myself and my feelings. For my own sake, I don’t want to suppress nothing and deal with every emotion at the time. I certainly am not interested whatsoever to build an image of an optimist if I feel differently (why would I do that?).
In the first four years, I was grieving, having negative emotions, and living the “victim” scenario. And after 2 years of personal development, I can say that every cell of my body is grateful for Joana. I am thankful for my life and the opportunities I had and still have on our journey. For all the experiences, for all overcome obstacles, for the strength, I gained, for all improvements I had to make in my personality to deliver the best for her and my family.
I know my path, all that happened, all that we’ve gone through as a family, and I know where that brought us. Would it be better if Joana was just a “regular” child? Who knows? I don’t know what would have happened if things were different from the beginning.
Do I want a cure for brain damage to be found? Yes! Of course. I want from this minute for her to be better and better and eventually completely healthy and diagnose-free.
But if that never happens, my emotions won’t change. I see her as a blessing. I know she is a blessing. She moves me, inspires me, gives me purpose and joy.
Every human needs growth, stimulation, and meaning. Without these 3 things, a man goes into a lethargy, depression even.
Well, she is my stimulation that makes me grow and gives tremendous meaning to my life.
And she is a direct cause because today I am able to help so many people through my work.
I completely understand everyone who thinks differently. Whether you are someone who is not dealing with the “special” issue or are a special parent who has had enough of it and believes this is the biggest curse of your life. I get it.
We just have different experiences.
Best wishes to all, until the next article.