Special Parenting and Coping With Negative Emotions
Special parents think they are feeling bad and frustrated because of the condition of their children. But everyone who committed to personal development knows: it only seems that negative emotions special parents have are because of their child’s challenges.
They discover that they carry many issues, wounds, and feelings of unworthiness deep down in themselves. Everything starts with us. We should heal all of that first. That way, you will enjoy a happy and fulfilled life no matter the circumstances.
Do you want to know where do you stand on this? Try to discover where your frustrations come from.
Just for fun, have a conversation with yourselves. Let’s make a check up on how you really feel:
Others people opinion
Are you sad only about your special child’s condition, or maybe you are afraid of what other people will think? Are you afraid of judgment? Are you worried that people will think you are a failure, a disaster, incapable, a loser?
(When you are answering this, please don’t judge yourself. The point of this check-up is not self-criticism. The point is getting clarity. That way, you will know what to change for the better.)
Your true calling
Could it be that your frustration comes from not being fulfilled at your workplace? Maybe you are working on something you don’t like. Maybe you have a talent such as cakes, knitting, cooking, playing, photography, etc. but you are afraid to use it. Do you sabotage yourself with thoughts like “better to stay where I am, it’s safer,” or “I don’t think I can succeed in my country”? You should dig a little deeper about where your frustration lies. If you are miserable at your job, you will be unhappy with a healthy kid, with a special kid, and with no kids at all. The workplace is where we spend a big part of the day. Look how you feel answering these questions, and take action. Start the first step towards your dream. In this way, there will be obstacles and traps of the ego like “I am not enough.” But if it was easy – everyone would do it. It is not impossible. Try to find and follow your calling.
How would you describe your relationship? Do you have challenges with your partner? If we admit that there is no such thing as a perfect man/woman, we can agree that there are no perfect relationships either. But if you and your partner go through crises and fights all the time, chances are that you will feel bad and frustrated. You can find my article 8 Principles for a healthy relationship with your partner. In that article, I explain how the harmony in the relationship influences our well-being and our children.
Do you have challenges in friendships? Do you consider yourself a good friend? Do you get what you want from your friendships? I recently wrote an article about Special parenting and friends. First, define what friendship means to you and then remove from your life everyone who doesn’t belong in that description. Don’t worry that you will end up alone. Even if you are, you can find new people to socialize with. It’s better 2 real friends than 15 people judging you and provoking you all the time.
You may think this is the last thing on your mind right now, but if you have bad relations of any kind, it causes stress and dissatisfaction. That’s why it’s fair to put this category too on the list of possible things that keeps you unhappy.
Organization and productivity
Yes, special parents are busy all the time, and sometimes I feel there should be an exception for us – our day should last a minimum of 35 hours to finish everything on our plate. Still, if you are looking at your day and the activities from a distance, would you say there is a plan there? I strongly suggest having a plan and making a “to-do” list in the evening for the day to come. Organization and plan make things easier. You get what’s urgently done first, and then you focus on the rest. Organizing your day has many benefits:
-it reduces the stress
-gives you a sense of control
-it’s rewarding to see at the end of the day how your list is all checked up
-it allows you to plan “a me-time.”
I even do a to-do-list and want-list. I put some movies I want to see on the want-list, a book I want to read, a video I want to watch, call an old friend, organize my pictures, etc. I wish to do all of the things on my want list, and I will do them eventually. But they are not urgent to be done today. However, I might get a surprise free time, like therapy or a meeting is canceled last minute. Joana might sleep a little longer, or we will decide to order pizza today, and I don’t have to cook. Before I started to make my lists, I wasn’t spending my free time on useful things that would fulfill me. If I surprisingly got an unplanned hour for myself, I usually would spend that on social media or YouTube. It simply wouldn’t cross my mind at that moment that I wanted to start that book for a long time. But now, if having extra time on my hands, I enjoy doing things from my “want” list, and you would be surprised how much can be accomplished that way.
Having no plan and no organization makes you run from one thing to another all the time. You will end up exhausted, frustrated, and with no sense of fulfillment. How do you stand on this subject?
If you are satisfied in all of these areas in your life, you will not be overwhelmed all the time by the fact that your child is having mental and physical challenges. If you honestly answer yourself to all these questions, you will recognize where does your negative emotion exactly come from. This is important to find your own peace. But most importantly, to get the burden anyway from your child, it is the only reason for your negative emotion. That’s right, your child is feeling an energetic burden if you are sad and frustrated all the time around it.
Only by being completely honest with yourself can you come to the bottom of these questions. It’s time to admit that you often say you are sad because of your child when you need to work on all of these life fields in reality. Be proactive, not reactive. When things get worse, it will be much more difficult to balance again.
I know that your greatest wish and focus are your child to be better, miracle healing to happen, and stop dealing with this challenge. I am not saying that by focusing on improving the other life areas, your child will heal. Maybe it will someday, maybe it won’t. We cannot control that. What we can control is how we react to our situation. And what we can control is what choices we make in our lives. Trust me when I say this: your burden, grief, despair, and pain are not caused only because of the fact that you have a special child. Maybe we get special children to see that we have the power to get our lives in our hands. To take responsibility. This is the moment to see where you stand and what values you nurture in your lifestyle.
You should make the first step to improve your personality and not wait for the world to be kinder to you, your friends to support you more, your partner to change their habits, your parents to stop criticizing you, the state to bring better laws. None of this will happen tomorrow. What you can guarantee for sure is that you can change. You can work on your limits and beliefs. You can control the boundaries you are setting in your life.